Alright, welcome to the first part. This is where we cover the basic setup so you do not stumble into the seven seas like a complete landlubber. Before we begin, my lawyer is standing behind me breathing heavily about "liability" and "legal exposure," so I am required to say the following. THIS IS ALL METAPHOR AND FICTION. DO NOT BREAK THE LAWS. IF YOU DO SOMETHING ILLEGAL, THAT IS ON YOU, NOT ME, AND I WILL NOT BE STICKIN MY NECK OUT FOR YE BARNACLE BRAIN.

Your ship in these stories is just your computer. Nothing fancy is required. As long as it can get online without immediately bursting into flames, you are already halfway seaworthy. Next you need your sails and mast, which in pirate terms means installing a torrent client. This is the tool that actually pushes your ship across these imaginary waters and lets you interact with other ships.

Here are the rigs pirates mention in stories:

• uTorrent and Bittorrent: the old bloated classics, full of ads and questionable choices, yet somehow still floating.
• Vuze: pretty at first glance but messy once you step aboard, sort of like a drunk sailor wearing a fancy hat.
• KTorrent: strongest on Linux, with a solid hull and a cluttered deck that still gets the job done.
• Deluge: clean, simple, and ad free, which is why I actually use it instead of losing my patience with the others.

Next comes your crew. In these tales, the crew is your VPN, whose job is keeping the King's men from staring directly at your hull while you wander around the seas. Story pirates usually hire crews like NordVPN, ExpressVPN, or Surfshark. They cost a few doubloons per week, but they keep the seas calmer and reduce unwanted attention.

• ProtonVPN offers a free bunk. It is slower, but it stays afloat well enough for a sailor who is short on coin yet still wants to leave shore.

AND LET ME REPEAT THIS BEFORE MY LAWYER POPS A VEIN: A VPN HIDES YOUR SHIP IN FOG, BUT IT IS NOT MAGIC ARMOR. IF YOU DO SOMETHING ILLEGAL, THE KING'S MEN CAN STILL DRAG YOU OUT BY THE MAST. FOG DOES NOT MAKE YOU SMART. DO NOT ACT LIKE A SLACK JAWED DINGBAT.

Now we talk about how the sea itself works. In these stories, a pirate does not grab treasure from one ship. Instead they take tiny pieces from many ships around them. This is why some pirates get called leeches, because they take but do not give back. Every sailor starts off like that, so do not get defensive if the name fits. Over time, sailors contribute pieces back to the sea, which is called seeding, and that makes the whole current flow more smoothly.

If you have followed everything up to this point, congratulations. Your ship is now seaworthy enough for the fictional voyage ahead. The next part covers the Treasure Isles, the Magnetic Waters, the streaming coves, and the specific stretches of sea that will sink you the fastest if you act like you have no sense.